So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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