Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
