you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
