Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
