I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
