I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
