i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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