Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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