Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
