Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
