Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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