He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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