my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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