omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
