I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
