Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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