i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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