He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
