i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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