Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
