Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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