so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
