There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
