I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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