True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do vagina's smell?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
