I wish I only lived at night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
