Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
