I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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