Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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