Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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