I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
