Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
