just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
