Im at strip club and am horny
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
