Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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