You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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