I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
