I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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