$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
