dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
