drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
