xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
