I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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