In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize