I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
