I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut my penus on the lid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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