i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
