the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
