i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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