hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
