New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
