He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
