How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
