I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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