WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
