either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
