Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
