My nipple is on Facebook.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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