woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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