I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
