you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
