He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
