there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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