these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
