he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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