I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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