Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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