Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
