dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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