he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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