if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
