i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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