I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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