Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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