He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
