Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
