Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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