I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
