ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
