Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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