dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
