you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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